What does Ash Wednesday mean to me?
At times I have a definite idea, so crystal clear, so obvious, it feels like it burns my brain.
Other times I have no idea.
And so I ponder.
Maybe that’s the point. Lent, which began today, is a time of penance as well as reflection. Think of it as a New Year’s resolution for your soul. It isn’t just about what you are giving up, but it can also be about what you are adding. My 11 year old decided to add nightly prayers before going to bed.
This morning I attended the school mass and got my ashes. This in itself isn’t a big deal. The circumstances, however, made it a bit more challenging. Not only did I have Xavier with me, who at 4 is just not interested in what is going on, but I also had Tevye who is 9 months old and teething. And school masses occur right in the middle of what is his morning nap time.
It worked out well enough – I didn’t have to take Tevye to the vestibule, partly because I had a bottle with me and also because he fell asleep for half the mass (though the first half a number of the kids in front of us kept turning around to see the baby). We got our ashes, and were not only able to stay through communion but the very end of mass. This was a good thing, and unexpected. The school masses are rather crowded, so having both the youngest children “make it” to the end felt like an accomplishment.
The Gospel reading got me thinking about Ash Wednesday. The ashes are an outward sign of our penance, our faith. Then there is the Gospel reading.
(Matthew 6:1 – 6, 16 – 18)
Jesus said to his disciples:
“Take care not to perform righteous deeds in order that people may see them; otherwise, you will have no recompense from your heavenly Father. When you give alms, do not blow a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets to win the praise of others. Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right is doing, so that your almsgiving may be secret. And your Father who sees in secret will repay you.
“When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, who love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on street corners so that others may see them. Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you pray, go to your inner room, close the door, and pray to your Father in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will repay you.
“When you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites. They neglect their appearance, so that they may appear to others to be fasting. Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, so that you may not appear to be fasting, except to your Father who is hidden. And your Father who sees what is hidden will repay you.”
Why are we, during the same mass, told to do one thing, to fast and pray in secret, to appear “normal” to the outside world, yet we get these ashes as an outward sign?
Catholicism, as with much in life, is full of contradictions.