Tonight I got the call. My youngest brother had become a father for the first time. I’ve been around the block, so to speak, a few times, and the one thing I have learned (and remembered) is that I don’t know everything. I wanted to gather some advice and have it written down, since inundating a person with a lot of information right after a baby is born can be overwhelming. I put the call out to other parents to help me gather a few essential nuggets. I’m glad I did, because about half of these I had forgotten (you can make a game of it by guessing which ones I came up with and which ones other people did).
Sleep when the baby sleeps
Don’t worry about chores – they can wait. You’ll wind up killing yourself if you always try to get stuff done. Sleep deprivation is real and it sucks. I’m not saying to let your place go and to not clean up, but, especially those first few months, you never know when that baby will be asleep or not, and since you need to be awake when the baby is, you might as well sleep when it does.
It will get better
You haven’t slept in two days. You haven’t showered in five days. The baby just pooped on you. Then as you’re changing the diaper he rolls over and gets poop everywhere. This will happen. And this will pass. It does get better. You will get sleep. You will get a shower. Your baby will stop crying (eventually). It may take a while, but you will begin to feel human again. Hang in there.
It will get worse
You haven’t slept in two days. You haven’t showered in five days. The baby just pooped on you. Then as you’re changing the diaper he rolls over and gets poop everywhere. This will happen. And this isn’t nearly as bad as it will get. Brace yourself. Alternately, just when you think you’re “through the rough patch” and life is beginning to feel normal, get ready for all hell to break lose.
It’s your family
Holidays are going to be different. Maybe not right away, but soon. You have your own family unit now, and that’s going to be the center of your celebrations. Sometimes you won’t be involved in the extended family events because they just don’t work out with nap times or other logistics. That’s perfectly okay. Your priority should always be to the baby, not pleasing other family members.
Get a good pediatrician
This may seem obvious, but it bears saying. It is alright to change pediatricians. It is much easier to do so in the first year or so to develop that relationship and continuity of care throughout childhood. Spend some time with your baby’s doctor. You want a good relationship, but you don’t want one that will mirror whatever you’re thinking. Your baby needs a medical advocate, but also one who you can work with. You will both be on the same side, and it needs to feel that way.
Clean is clean
You don’t need to sanitize every surface. You’re not in a hospital. Actually, too many cleaning chemicals could wind up being harmful. Clean is good enough, and you already know the difference between clean and dirty, so go with that.
You don’t need all that stuff
A stroller? Yeah. Crib? Alright. Car seat? Absolutely. Virtually everything else is irrelevant. There are bassinets, changing tables, 30 different kinds of bottle warmers, etc. You will be tricked into spending more money on things that you will use for just a couple of months than you could possibly imagine. Stick to the basics.
Talk discipline now
It’s too early to discuss how to discipline your child and what limits to place on him. No it’s not. The two parents need to be on the same page and remain consistent. Start discussing things now, so that when problems arise later, they don’t become huge issues.
Trust your gut
Everybody will have an opinion. Even me. It’s your baby, and nobody will know it as well as you. It is going to be alright to choose to ignore advice and go with your gut. If you’re not sure, ask for advice. If you don’t want it, stand your ground.