First, some background and set up to my thoughts.
Where the kids (well, most of them) go to school there is a street that runs between the main school building and another building which houses the gym, cafeteria, and the music room which is being used currently being used to house the preschool while renovations are taking place (they will be moving into their new space next to the main school building at the end of this month).
Each morning we all (well, almost all – August has left the house for his school 30-40 minutes previously) walk to school together. Grace is in her stroller, and I drop Xavier, Ciáran and Déla off on the playground, usually, then Tevye, Grace and I head across the street for preschool drop-off.
This morning, things went a little different. Nothing outrageous, but a small alteration in the routine.
After crossing the arterial on the way to school this morning I was a few paces behind the kids with the stroller. Ciáran and Xavier went one way, the direction we all usually take to the playground for drop-off. Tevye and Déla turned to the right, headed directly to the building housing preschool. I quickly said goodbye to Ciáran and Xavier I went after the other two.
By the time I caught up with them, Déla had crossed the street between the school buildings and Tevye had gone in to preschool. I wasn’t more than a few steps behind, but they went on without me, and he didn’t even say goodbye.
I wasn’t needed.
If it weren’t for the arterial street we all have to cross on the way to school, I might consider letting kids walk to school on their own.
As I realized I missed saying goodbye to Tevye this morning I felt like I was becoming increasingly irrelevant into my kids’ lives . Then, as I pondered this on my walk home, I became more comfortable with this because that is the role we are supposed to play in our children’s lives.
When they are born, our children are so helpless, so dependent on us for everything. It doesn’t take too long for this to change. In a couple of years they are feeding themselves, possibly even dressing themselves, but certainly able to entertain themselves.
As they get even older our kids are less dependent on us, but we are still necessary to house, clothe, feed them, make sure they have what they need. Eventually we give them tools such as driving lessons so they can be more self-reliant. They will forage for food in the kitchen at all hours.
The point is for them to grow up, to move out on their own, and to not need us.
Our job right from the beginning is to make ourselves obsolete.